The Lady in Pink

Dear Diary,
Lyndon Beagle Johnson has just been placed aside as far as my enemies go. I have met the queen of evil; the worst of the worst; my arch nemesis. Her name: Helen Gahagan Douglas. Yuck! it makes me want to wash out my mouth with turpentine just having to utter those foul words to myself. That raunchy pink hag makes my skin crawl everytime I see or hear the likes of her. Though I publicly bolster the fact that she's probably a communist and would ruin our strong conservative fiscal economic policies should she gain an elected post, I secretly believe that she participates in the evils of witchcraft. I have proposed a confidential plan to my barely trustworthy right-hand man, Secretary Kissinger. The plan involves subjecting that devil pink lady to a series of tests implemented in the middle ages, tests, yes--which are indeed outdated, but have also proven themselves to be completely foolproof time and time again. First the Dunking Stool, to extract a confession, followed by another series of rudimentary tests which if done correctly will either end in her untimely death, or in confirmation that she is a witch. Quite frankly I don't care what the result is, it is a win-win situation for me anyway. In my opinion the whole damn democratic party is dissolving right before our eyes, soon there will be nothing left but a blue jackass, and a certain senator from Massachusetts who refuses to shut his yappy bum about a universal healthcare plan of some sort. Everyone look at old Ted Kennedy, oh how brave and righteous he is, he is the last of a legendary breed of proud Americans for HE is a Kennedy. Bah. Nevermind the fact that old Richard Milhous Nixon, the doormat of the whole god-forsaken United States Political System came up with a suspiciously similar healthcare plan over a decade earlier. In fact, an IDENTICAL plan. That was my plan! US Senate Majority Whip my pale touchee! No, lets just brush old Nixon under the rug, he certainly won't do anything about it.

I think I hear Pat coming up the stairs, I have to go.

More soon
XOXOXOXOXO
-Richard