Loser Buttsmeller Johnson

Dear Diary,
Last weekend I was invited to visit Former President Lyndon Baines Johnson at his ranch in Texas. His dog urinated all over my Calvin Klein slacks which practically cost me my Whole Week's Salary, and Lady Bird served me iced tea that was so bland, that I spit it back into her old grisly face. You know, I have tried to put a raise for the president through congress so many times, and failed so many more times, I just want to SCREAM.

That geezer Lyndon is such an egotistical prick. He named his DOG Little Beagle Johnson just so it could have the same initials as the rest of his family. What a stankpot.

I was polite, and dignified as usual, aside from my occasional impulsives to shout about my clever notions to one day govern the universe.

Oh, and by the way. Today I found out something that made me just a hair bit mad. Guess what those useless gang-banging hippees have been calling me ALL THIS TIME, HMM?!?... TRICKY DICK! That's right, Richard Nixon, arguably the greatest president of our century, Hero Commander of the War in Vietnam, proud patriot, and dedicated family man, unfairly victimized by pony-tailed, pot smoking, scumbags.

Anyway, I'll get over it.
Untill Next Time
XOXOXOXOXOXO
-Richard

Today

Today I shat on a turtle.